Friday, February 19, 2010

Ma vie... ah how boring it is...

No seriously.  I attempt to blog quite frequently.  But everytime I come on, I choke.  What has happened in my life that is worth mentioning?  Not much.  Just a few lessons I guess.

Lesson Number One:  Gossips are very bored people.  I am a very bored person.  I've been caught on more than one occasion spreading stories about people, no matter how true, that really aren't my business, or were told in confidence.  It's been my sister and my mom that catch me.  Now that they've pointed it out enough times, I catch myself.  Why do I tell these stories (which aren't bad stories, but still gossip.  Right?  I think so)?  Because I'm bored with my own life.  So hear this and know: gossips lead very boring lives.

Lesson Number 2:  It's when I have tons of time that I really don't have time.  I hate that about myself.  If I have a very short list of things to do, I don't do it.  Sad.  BUT!  I have discovered that if I write a list down I'm more likely to get it done.  In fact, lists have worked very well for me.  When I went to Grandma's to work this last week, we had a list, and thank goodness for it!  I actually got stuff done without dawdling!

Lesson Number 3:  I'm growing up.  WOW.   I don't say this to be proud or in your face, but I do want to show the small miracles in my life.  I know that some of these may not seem like miracles to you, but I promise they are miracles to me.
             Miracle 1) My favorite pet sin holds very little temptation for me anymore.  I've been presented with multiple opportunities to take part in this sin, but have easily resisted.  Okay, not every time was easy.  But it's getting easier.  And I'm proud of that.
             Miracle 2) I had an immense spiritual experience in an interview with my bishop and have felt no need to justify it to anyone.  This miracle has to do with my decision about when to enter The Lord's House and make sacred covenants.  I don't know why it had to happen this way at this time, but I know that I've learned to see the Lord's will, even if I don't want to :).  But this whole situation about when I should go to the temple has been very charged in my life.  It's not the people closest to me that have been on my case-- they've either been very understanding or very closed-mouthed about it; either way I appreciate it.  But I've been telling those people who push me to do things their way or on their time-table that it's my decision and I'll do it when I feel it's right.  Many of you know how outspoken I am so this may not be a miracle to you.  But I must say, this whole situation has caused me more tears than most guys.  It's been stressfull and pressured and ridiculous.  For no good reason other than I forgot about who's will I should be concerned with. 

Lesson Number 4: Knowing your weaknesses is not a bad thing.  Didn't the Lord say "Come unto me and I will show unto [you] [your] weaknesses"?  I get down on myself and my inability to resist certain sins.  I've begun avoiding certain situations entirely.  At first it made me sad that I had to do that.  But then-- wow.  I realized, through yet another profound experience, that it takes strength to avoid those things.  If I know my limits, then I am being wise in avoiding those fine lines. 

Okay.  Enough preaching.  I'll save the rest of my sermons for the French. 

Thursday, February 4, 2010

and the rangers scream out to the cabins

they are the hunters, we are the rabbits...

I started out with the intent to write yet another dream of mine.  But I realized that most of my posts here are about my dreams.  Maybe it's because I'm a psych major?  But dreams have always played an important role in my life, mostly because I take them far too seriously.  Or possibly because I've spent my life in the clouds, dreaming my life away.  Ha ha, no more time for dreams, kiddies.  Real life problems are about to hit.  

I mean, I'm going to France, FRANCE for crying outloud!  What a dream come true!  Apparently dreams come with a Real Life cost: this time it's both spiritual and literally temporal.  For example:  I have spent soooo much money on clothes for my mission.  Right now, the tally is at... let me do some quick math... $300?  I think that's how much.  Plus another fifty that I've spent on supplies and Visa stuff, and guess what?  I haven't even made a dent in that list.  Gag. 

Spiritual costs?  Well I had to give up some pet sins.  I realized, because of a dream thank-you-very-much, that without even noticing I'd given up a very special sin for me.  It's one I've been rationalizing for years and years.  It's never done me a ton of harm, but it has definitely done me no good.  And if you're not fighting for the right, then you're aiding the wrong.  Does that make sense?  I've also given up certain preconceptions I've had of myself and what my life is going to be like.  Strange how that realization just came upon me.  I'm a planner gosh-darn-it, and nothing was working how I planned!  Everything's working out well, mind you, but not how I planned.  I think I should get used to that....

I'm still going to tell you a little about my dreams.  They've been based on some of my fave TV shows, sadly.  The first one was Leverage-- oh man, this one just makes me blush.  So I personally think the character Elliot is the cutest (just cut your girlie hair, silly man!), and so of course he was the star of my dream.  I was busy doing other things like taking care of my twin boys (I was an unwed mother, but I'm not sure why-- you know how when you dream, some things just aren't imporant?  that was one of those things-- but Eliot showed up with the rest of the crew.  I was tired of washing dishes and walked over to him and blatently flirted.  Now here's the saddest saddo part of it all: I got really excited about flirting.   
I haven't flirted in so long, I got a kick out of doing it in my dream!!  SAD!!  I've a feeling this is how my dreams will be in the mission.  Hahahahaha!

The next dream was about Bones.  Once again an unwed mother, and once again it didn't matter why I was, I went shopping with my daughter and our fish george.  She carried him around in a peanutbutter jar.  She had down syndrome, so everyone was like "eh, whatever.  She has a fish in a jar."  But she was looking for Hodgins.  He was her favorite.  She wanted to give Hodgins her fish.  Apparently, I worked with Hodgins which is how she knew him.  He kind of blew us off for his girlfriend, and that made me mad.  Like, mamma bear mad.  I marched over to him and used my jedi skills (haha-- seriously) to lift his sorry butt in the air and make him know how much my little girl wanted to talk to him and loved him and he better appreciate it or I would seriously maim him.
Don't know what the point of that dream was, but I wanted to share.

Well, thanks for listening.

Maybe we don't want to be found....