Tuesday, September 17, 2013

When the going gets tough, Kacey gets frustrated Pt. 1

Can I just talk about how bizarre my first month has been??

Let's start with my car.

It died.  Yup.  It died.  In Kingman Arizona.  Actually, about 15 miles from Kingman AZ. At about, hmmmm, 230 a.m.? Yeah that sounds right.  Dad called AAA.  I paced the forsaken highway and hyperventilated like mad. "Do You not want me to go??" I asked over and over again. It felt like God was sending me a message.  Well, that's what I wished it was. You see, my car wouldn't start when we tried to leave so we had to jump it. And by we, I mean Michayla and Dad had to do it because I started yelling at the car so Michayla made me go lie down in the house.  And when I was lying down, I asked over and over again "Do You not want me to leave?" I can look back now and see that I WISHED He would tell me not to leave. Coming here was scary. It was so scary. I don't think I realized how scary it would be. I thought going on a mission had cured me of living away from home fears. Heck no.  I forgot how much of a controlled environment a mission was!  I didn't want to leave home, then my car breaks down. While we waited for the tow truck, I enumerated all the reasons I had to go. "I can't sell my contract, my tuition is already paid, and where in the world would I work? What job would I do?" 
Dad: You have to go, Kacey, that's not the question.
Kacey: It was earlier!
Yup, around the time we hit Bakersfield he asked me if I really wanted to/ had to go.

Anyway. We get to Kingman after our nice tow truck driver found us a place to park my little Amandine all week. Dad and I sat and waited for the sun to rise, and I looked for cars. Dad thought maybe we should just buy a new car in Kingman. But we nixed that idea and just decided to rent a car.  Rent a car we did, costing us an unholy amount, and drove to Texas. We stopped for the night at Brandon and Sarah's and I realized how seriously relieved I was to have them so close (7 hours is closer than 30). While sitting around on Sunday morning, I made a post on Facebook about my car dying.  I apparently made it sound like we were still stranded because a  deluge of comments and messages came in about needing to be picked up? needing money? Are you okay? Hahaha, okay, my favorite though came the next day when Dad made me call Joe to make sure he was awake for seminary.

Joe: I heard your car blew up.
Kacey: Yeah. Sigh. It did.
Joe: While you were still in it??
Kacey: It didn't literally blow up, it just died.
Joe: ... oh.

Anyway. I got a message immediately from Benji S.... YES, THAT Benji S. Ex boyfriend still friends Benji S. He asked if I needed him to wire me any money.  I said no, my dad was with me and we're gunna make it to Baton Rouge. 

Benji: Ok.
Kacey: I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to do my internship in BR.
Benji: Where in Texas?
Kacey: Dallas. My dad is with me, we rented a car. We'll get to BR okay, it's just after that that I'll be screwed.
Benji: If you can drive a stick, I have a little truck I'm not going to be using for the next four months. I'm planning too drive a motorcycle to Houston next week, but I can put it in the back of my truck, drive the truck to BR then continue on my way from there.
Kacey:... I can drive stick......... would you be coming through BR? or is that totally out of the way?
Benji: it's not out of my way. Can you hold out for a week?

Yes. He was. We worked it out that he would come by that next Monday.

Well.  On Thursday I get a phone call.

"Kacey, I can't fit my bike in the back of my truck. But I can fly you out to where I am and you could drive it back to BR."
"Um, I think that's the best shot we got."

It would be a 10 hour drive. I can do that. I drove to Seattle and back by myself, and that was a 14 hour drive.

Then he calls back/

"How about flying to Atlanta? That'll knock three hours off your drive. Then I'll just take the greyhound back home."
"I can't let you put yourself out like that."
"Kacey. Let me do something nice for you, please."

He wouldn't let me pay for the flight. He was very sneaky about it saying "Oh I'll book it for you because you don't have internet so I don't want the price to shoot up on you." Then he wouldn't let me pay him back once I got to Atlanta. And then, he finds out his sister is driving back to his neck of the woods from Atlanta that day, so he didn't have to take the greyhound.


This little truck is so great. His name is Danny Cooper.  We are friends.  Benji saved my immobile butt.

Actually, Heavenly Father helped both of us. I seriously couldn't imagine something like that happening. And working out so well.

Maybe it's sacrilege, but I thought of the pioneers. When Dad and I were sitting in Arizona for nearly six hours, I had time to ponder. We were still close enough to home that if I wanted to bail, I still could.  Maybe all these problems really were God's efforts to stop me.

How many pioneers could say that?  On levels much deeper than I've experienced.  I remember saying to Dad as we watched the sun come up, "Lots of pioneers had broken handcarts too, huh?" He chuckled. "Yup."  "But, that didn't mean they weren't on the right path, did it?"  "Nope."  "I kinda feel like a pioneer. Except I had a tow truck. And no one has died. And I still have all my earthly possessions."

And maybe Heavenly Father was giving me that opportunity. "If you want to, Kacey, you can still back out. No one is forcing your hand."  And that's just it; I've never felt PUSHED to go to grad school. I have felt guidance in choosing a major and career, but never pushed. I feel like Heavenly Father let me decide. Maybe it didn't really matter. Or maybe He knew I'd pick the right thing. Or maybe, and I lean towards this theory, Heavenly Father lets us make so many choices for ourselves. He has missions in mind for us, but where we are, what career we have, and maybe even who we're with isn't as important as we humans like to think. Sometimes, for sure. Maybe even half the time. But for me? I try to make Him dictate my life to me. So in return, He makes me make my own decisions. Gosh, just like my parents. Wonder where they learned it :)

I don't think Heavenly Father NEEDS me here in Baton Rouge. I think I wanted to go! So He said, "Okay! I'm okay with this, because you'll still do what I need you to do, and you'll still learn what I need you to learn."

Now, I do feel like I have had lessons here that I wouldn't have learned elsewhere. And it's not that I feel like I don't belong here. (Well, in some ways, but only worldly ways). It's more like Caen- I knew I was there for a reason, I just didn't feel it. The only area I felt that in was Valenciennes. And in a way Versailles as well.

End of Part 1

1 comment:

Dyanna Stephens said...

wow Kacey. You're not too far from me. If I would've known you were coming through Dallas, I would have met up with you... let you stay at my place, something!

I also didn't know you were back on fb either. I'm really out of the loop.