Dear Soeur Barros,
Hi, it's Kacey. RM Kacey. How're you doin?
That's a silly question. Of course you're freaking out a little bit. A lot of bit. You don't know what you're going to do for a job, nor for a social life, or, well, your LIFE. Yeah, thought you'd have that one figured out by now, eh? I remember distinctly thinking you had the goal of figuring out a career before coming home. Sorry. And it only becomes more complex once you get back. I know. Bummer.
But don't worry-- life isn't a complete fail when you come home. Heavenly Father does NOT abandon you like you think. He in no way does that. And the Spirit withdrawals that everyone talks about? It's not like you think either. It almost feels gradual.
But leaving the stake president's office without your name tag does kill you. It breaks your heart. It's almost like your identity is held in your hand. C'est triste.
BUT DON'T WORRY!!!! DON'T PANIC!!! Just take your towel (especially because you share bathroom space with a family and not a companion anymore) and hold on for dear life.
You're going to try do as much as you did as a missionary. It's not going to work. It's not as easy to fill your time as a civilian as it is comme missionaire. Et en plus, you're going to be soooo tired. It won't work. Don't try to be a missionary. It's okaaaaayyyy. Plus you'll be so subconsciously depressed that you won't be able to achieve much. So don't stress it. It'll come.
Also, speak the language with as many people as you can. It's going to be crazy how much you'll miss French. You'll be shocked hearing English all the time. You'll have to bite back "Bonjour!" every time you enter an establishment. When people ask you do to things for them, you're going to automatically think, "Now.... how do I say this in French?" Don't worry. That will mostly go away the second month you're home.
You'll talk every day about your mission. It's okay. It has been a huge part of your life. It's just like that summer you worked at Olive Garden with Michayla and Brandon-- all you guys talked about when you weren't at work was work. The same here. Sometimes it annoys people. But don't worry-- you won't notice when it annoys people. So just keep swimming. Heck, it could be worse. You could be making crude jokes or whatnot. See? Life doesn't suck.
It doesn't, you know. But... it is lonely. I know you LOVE Soeur Jorgensen. She is your new very bestest best friend. And then there are the Elders. Gosh you couldn't have asked for a better bunch of young men to spend your last four and a half months with. You had your BFF, Elder Draleau, and your newest chum, Elder Gardner, both of whom you knew in the MTC. How cool to end with them??? Elder Draleau defended your hurt feelings to the entire office staff; Elder Godfrey who DIED when you made him Mr. Intendant and joined your prank crew; Elder Gardner who was the technical genius behind your pranks, and ended up being your biggest ally in a lot of situations; and Elder Buhlmann who loved to tease you and you fake mission romance and provide your apartment with anything it lacked. The AP's???? That's another story.... just let go of it. That will take time, but it's worth it, trust me.
It breaks your heart to leave them. But you won't let yourself cry about it for a while. You won't admit that you love them all to the point of heartbreak. And they will all be in France until April and May. It's okay. They will keep in contact. Just trust me. Have faith. And cry a little. It's okay. It helps. You're not weak for being sad.
The first job you take will help you figure some things out. It will help you see that the Lord let's you make choices-- He will also remind you what He already told you. My recommendation? Listen the first time. Take some risks. But trust Heavenly Father.
Boys are also a different matter here. You're going to be amazed what will happen in your love life. But I don't want to ruin the surprise. That's half the fun. :)
Okay. Good luck. Have faith. Trust the Lord. He knows that you exist, and you're going to feel His love like you've never felt it. Ca ira. La vie est belle. Ne t'inquiete pas. You're going to be FINE!!!!
Don't forget to be grateful. And love. Don't forget to LOVE.