Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday night's alright for... depression??

So, I've noticed a pattern in my Friday nights: they get me down. Unless I'm out with a boy (which happens more than it used to), I'm sitting in my apartment, unable to figure out why I'm so sad. I have one theory, but you'd honestly think that after two years the winter semester would stop reminding me of ... well, you all know. I don't have to say it.

I'm getting that "I don't have a direction" feeling again. I had it last winter and it nearly killed me. I had amazing friends and relief society presidencies, and my testimony grew like crazy. But something's off this semester... and I can't figure it out.

I wonder-- will I ever reach a point in my life when I'm perfectly content and know exactly where I'm going for longer than a day? Or will I always be at an impasse with things? I'm kinda in the middle of starting to date a boy, and I'm going to have a second interview for a job I really REALLY want. The hard thing about both of these is that I really want them. I like this boy, but I'm not entirely sure what's going on. I want this job uber bad, but I'm afraid that they'll reject me after a second interview. I guess it all boils down to one thing: I'm afraid to get my hopes up. I've learned through some very drastic experiences that just because you want something and it seems to be happening/ working, doesn't mean it's going to be. Just because he asks to hold your hand doesn't mean he wants to date you. Just because they ask to meet with you again means they've made their desicion. Just because he gives you a ring and asks you to marry him, doesn't mean he will. And just because He tells you to prepare for a mission, doesn't mean He's going to let you go.

Just because....

hmmm.

1 comment:

Brandon and Sarah Barros said...

Thanks for your comment on our blog. It made me laugh, and I needed that. And I have an idea to solve your depression: forget everything and come to WV and be with us! haha. We are your cure-all. No, seriously, sometimes we have to go through the valleys before we can go up the mountain (both of which are hard, ironically). Love ya Kacey!