Maybe not, but sometimes I wish we were. Some of these elders could benefit from boot camp....
Thank you everyone who writes me! I appreciate all the letters, no matter how short. It gets a little lonely here, so anything helps. And to you who haven't written me... follow their great example...
This week hashad many ups and downs (ps the shift button stinks on this computer, and so does the space buton, so bear with me). Sunday was great, but gave me too much time to think, and all these doubts entered my mind. It was probably one of the worst experiences I've ever had in my life. My companion and I spent Monday's companionship study crying in a class room about our fears and doubts. Hers were different than mine, but we both understood each other's feelings. All day monday I felt like crud. All day tuesday. Yuck. Why wasn't I succeeding? At all?? I was praying for faith, I was praying for comfort. And I got nothing. It wasn't like i had none of the spirit with me-- I've felt that before, and this wasn't like that. I just wasn't getting any confirmation or comfort. And then on wednesday, I spent a lot of time on my knees in the classroom for personal study. I did the only thing I'd thought of but hadn't tried. One of my old bishops, Bishop Batt, told me that if I spent a good ten fifteen minutes just thanking Heavenly Father for specific blessings, then i would feel better about anything. So that's what I did. And then, in a still small voice, it came. "Uh Kacey? Who are you praying for?" "Me." "Well then..."
Here I was praying for my OWN improvement, my OWN success. Why am I out here? To serve God and His children. Not me. What a simple answer to what i thought was a complicated problem. Life hasn't been peaches and cream since then, but it's been easier. Also, my branch presidency's wives come visit the sisters at night sometimes, and one of them gave me some much needed counsel: The spirit on your mission is different from the spirit in the world. It's quieter and almost rarer here. How exhausting to always have those overwhelming experiences daily! And how much would I learn if I didn't have to listen very hard to hear the spirit. Her words gave such comfort to me, and I've been noticing the little promptings from the spirit more and more.
I went to the Teaching Resource center on wednesday. We had to speak to people in french asif we were in a park, get to know them, share a message, and set up an appointment. I did super well at that. And then later we taught the first lesson... in english of course. It's sometimes hard, but I feel like my companion doesn't like how much I talk, but then when i shut up and wait for her to say something, she goes red and tells me to talk. We can't find a balance.
Elder know it all has actually improved so much. My companion and I notice the difference leadership has made in him, and I now appreciate his french speaking abilities: now I have someone to talk to that can help ME improve, and not the other way around. I love helping my companion and classmates, but I also want to progress. So thank goodness for elder know it all.
We went to San Fransisco this week to appear before the french consulate. In order to get our visas, we have to do that. Only 8 ofus went this trip, but 8 was almost too much. They told us: don't look like tourists. Sisters: Pass. Elders: half of them failed. it almost reached a point of ridiculousness (if that's even a word). But we went contacting while we waited to go back to the airport, and I placed a pass along card. It was excellent. I've decided my strong point is contacting. But then my companion gave the entire first lesson to someone on the plane back, because he kept asking questions, and now no one cares about me being the only one able to place a pass along card at Coit tower. But that's okay. It makes me happy to know that I succeeded at something.
I have great roommates. One of them started out annoying and young (don't know if I mentioned this, but she's barely 20 and she can come because her dad is a general authority. Look for ELder Hamula in the 1st quarm of the 70), but now she's so humble and sweet, and funny. I love her so much. She's in a trio that doesn't let her teach or speak very much, and it makes her so sad. She doesn't think they like her very much. One is 23 and is pretty condescending to all of us, but Soeur Hamula gets it the worst.
TODAY, fridays, are P-Days. My first week was a saturday because they put all the new missionaries on saturday their first week. From now on, fridays are the day.
I'm trying to attach some photos. let's see if it works....
I'll send em in a seperate email I think.
The church is true. Heavenly father loves me and is awaare of me.