Monday, June 25, 2012

Driven to distraction

Gosh I love alliterations.

Do you ever reach a point where thinking about yourself and your life make your heart hurt like crazy?  Or you mind explode with doubt?  So you just have to find the right distraction.  One that will remove you from reality JUST ENOUGH to forget the problems but not forget life.  You can still function, you know?

That's me.  Driven to distraction.

Funny thing is... the distractions don't make me happy.  They never did.  But now I'm more aware of it.

I hate when it washes over me like a wave of water, an undertow pulling me down.  An immediate rush of adrenaline to fight the currant surges through me, but it is short lived.  So I just let myself be pulled down, down, down.

I'm tired of down.  I thought it would go away.  But it doesn't.  Just like the tides of the ocean, my need for distraction ebbs and flows in a constant circle.  Just when I think I've got it figured out, it smacks me down again.  Down, down, down,

I'll do what I must to break free.

But sometimes... I just get tired.

Soooo tired.

Too tired.

So I've asked for help.  Cause all the resources I have now aren't enough.  Outside sources must be tapped.

Alors, voila quoi.

I'll be fine.  I believe that.  I hope for that.  I don't feel it right now.  But the circle will turn and so I'll feel it soon enough.

Plus the first round of help starts tomorrow.  HALLALUYAR!


And some great lyrics about the ocean from random artists, seeing as I was apparently so inspired by it tonight:

Now floating up and down 
I spin, colliding into sound 
Like whales beneath me diving down 
I'm sinking to the bottom of my 
Everything that freaks me out 
The lighthouse beam has just run out 
I'm cold as cold as cold can be 

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm fallin' in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down 
Let the rain come down

and in my dreams
we can live about the ocean
only in my dreams
will we live above the ocean

Deep in the ocean 
There lies a wave for you

I wonder 'bout the herds of the sea
If they will hurt or if they will help me

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