Sigh. Let me start off with my dream.
And it was the opposite of what I asked for, btw. (yes, in my nightly prayers I tell Heavenly Father what I don't want in my dreams, eg scary nightmares, sad things and specific men).
I dreamt that He (an unmentioned male) thought he was in love with me. "I just can't tell though, Kacey, because now there is this other girl, and she's making me all confused." In my dream we hadn't seen each other for a while so that made sense. He gathered up all the letters we sent over the past few months, and studied them, like he was going to get an exam on them. I just watched. Until he said, "A bunch of us are going to lake Shasta" (is there even a lake shasta?) "and you should come. It'll help me decide." SO I go, looking mighty fine in my pink swimsuit, and I see her- the other woman. She's this petite blonde with short flippy hair and big blue eyes. Why is the other woman always blonde? Anyway, we hang out, I hit it off big with everyone in the group. But he sits in the corner and thinks, looking over and over at our letters. In the end, I don't know who he picked- I woke up. But it doesn't matter. Because neither of us in real life is exactly-- available. Well, kinda. Anyway, that was my dream.
My question that I pose to the big wide universe is-- how much? how much do I allow before I either cave or say something? I've met this guy (Ah! right?) and he's pretty much awesome. We've gone out quite a few times over the past month, and we continue to see each other, but... anyway. The events in my life have led me to ask the universe what is it I need to look for in my future spouse. Like, I know what I SHOULD look for, and said person totally has a ton of these VERY important and key qualities. But... like, what do I accept and what do I hope to see change? LIke one of the things I love most about my friendship with this guy is that we are similar in some very core ways, but we are pretty much different in every other way. And that makes it fun and exciting! But where do I draw the line? When does different go from exciting to irritating? When am I in the wrong, or when am I being wise? I don't know. Obviously this guy is in no rush to get engaged, so I really have time to figure it out. But I've never posed this problem to myself, or anyone else really.
So there. There is my short post for the day. My lunch break is almost over. And I am excited to get back to work. I love my job. Don't really know why, just-- I do. I get warm fuzzies when I walk in to work every morning. Yay!