Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I don't mean to complain and all

Sigh. Let me start off with my dream.

And it was the opposite of what I asked for, btw. (yes, in my nightly prayers I tell Heavenly Father what I don't want in my dreams, eg scary nightmares, sad things and specific men).

I dreamt that He (an unmentioned male) thought he was in love with me.  "I just can't tell though, Kacey, because now there is this other girl, and she's making me all confused."  In my dream we hadn't seen each other for a while so that made sense. He gathered up all the letters we sent over the past few months, and studied them, like he was going to get an exam on them. I just watched. Until he said, "A bunch of us are going to lake Shasta" (is there even a lake shasta?) "and you should come.  It'll help me decide." SO I go, looking mighty fine in my pink swimsuit, and I see her- the other woman.  She's this petite blonde with short flippy hair and big blue eyes.  Why is the other woman always blonde?  Anyway, we hang out, I hit it off big with everyone in the group. But he sits in the corner and thinks, looking over and over at our letters.  In the end, I don't know who he picked- I woke up.  But it doesn't matter.  Because neither of us in real life is exactly-- available. Well, kinda. Anyway, that was my dream.

My question that I pose to the big wide universe is-- how much?  how much do I allow before I either cave or say something? I've met this guy (Ah! right?) and he's pretty much awesome.  We've gone out quite a few times over the past month, and we continue to see each other, but... anyway.  The events in my life have led me to ask the universe what is it I need to look for in my future spouse. Like, I know what I SHOULD look for, and said person totally has a ton of these VERY important and key qualities. But... like, what do I accept and what do I hope to see change? LIke one of the things I love most about my friendship with this guy is that we are similar in some very core ways, but we are pretty much different in every other way. And that makes it fun and exciting! But where do I draw the line? When does different go from exciting to irritating? When am I in the wrong, or when am I being wise?  I don't know.  Obviously this guy is in no rush to get engaged, so I really have time to figure it out. But I've never posed this problem to myself, or anyone else really. 

So there.  There is my short post for the day.  My lunch break is almost over.  And I am excited to get back to work.  I love my job.  Don't really know why, just-- I do.  I get warm fuzzies when I walk in to work every morning. Yay!


Tammy said...

There is a Lake Shasta... So there is that! Really though, that is why you date... And sometimes for a while... Then you start figuring out if things continue to be exciting or if they just bug you. Also, I have found a road trip or a trip to somewhere outside of where you usually hang out (a weekend visiting family somewhere for example...) without the friend buffer, that will tell you a lot about how annoyed you will get. Jeff and I visited my parents in Oregon for a week, neither of us knew other people really, so we had to spend all our waking time together... Turns out he was quite endearing, even when we ran out of gas in the forest and lost the car keys in the ocean! I wrote you a monster... But you will know when you need to know- ;)

Sarah said...

It comes down to love. If you truly love someone then you love the quirks, weaknesses and differences. Doesn't mean they don't drive you crazy at times but still you always love them. You're never going to find a perfect person. ... With that said just be sure you're not going into a marriage with a laundry list of things u think you want or will change about the other person. That would potentially be very detrimental I would think. Of course there will be things you both will want to improve but be honest about those things and be sure you'd still love him even if nothing ever changed. Well that's my two cents but I've been up since two am with a screaming Derek so idk if this even makes sense!